First Sunday

Today is the first day of the new beginning.
Going to eat better, get some exercise and start on the road to changing all my bad habits.
I really don't want to have a heart attack, or a stroke, or end up with diabetes and lose a limb. I don't want what happened to my Grandma Altieri to happen to me. So, we must change.

I don't know what I am going to do to exercise. I hate the treadmill. I like gardening and yoga. But those aren't going to get my heart rate up and blast the plaque from my arteries. And sex is out too. I am too easy to get going and have a short fuse... in other words, it doesn't last long enough to break a good sweat. Trust me when I tell ya, it's not him. I like the work outs I would subject on the girls in softball. The stretching, jumping, running, throwing... leg scissors, sit-ups, push ups. I just have to commit to it and do it. I actually hate most exercise... except swimming. And since I don't have access to a private pool... that is out. It's all excuses really. Just me not wanting to do anything.

Okay, well... coffee, yogurt, granola and raisin toast amounted to almost half my calories for the day. I am not going to skip breakfast ever again as long as I live...okay, that maybe a stretch, but I am going to really try. I am also going to try to be a better less bitter and angry person. I need a mitt and a ball and a block wall. (sigh) that would be exercise I could stand more than 20 minutes. Okay Okay, getting off the computer. Going to go outside and play for a while... Let's see what I come up with.

Can feel it...

Grumble.

Here it is, a year later and I still haven't found anyone who wants me. I end up being second best for almost every job I have had an interview for... just haven't quite pulled it off yet.
Then there is the fact that everyone in CA thinks they can hire and Exec. Chef for less than 45K per year and have them kill themselves for it. Not to say I don't want to work hard, but I want to be paid for my time, experience and talent. Is that too much to ask?

I don't want to stay in California anymore anyhow. People are too rude, too impersonal, self involved, can't drive for shit and really don't give a crap about anything but their little worlds. So Cal is worse, but the Central Valley is almost as bad. Still love love love SF. Don't think I will ever stop loving that City. Miss Houston like mad! Crazy that I miss Texass. Certainly do not miss the heat.

So, where do I want to go? The Mid-West-- the heart of the nation, Iowa. Nebraska, Arkansas, Oklahoma, Missouri, Illinois, Indiana, Ohio, Wisconsin, Minnesota, where it snows in the winter and there are tornadoes in the summer. I can make less money there and it will go further. 

Anyhow, I have been baking. Made a sick chocolate cake with beets this last week. I can't wait to taste it. OH, and saw this thing on CBS news about how your body may be telling you things about itself.... I have 2 things on the list, the ear lobe crease (sign of heart attack risk) and small yellow bumps around the eyes (fatty deposits signs of high cholesterol).  I feel like shit. So, today I decided that I really need to do something. I am. I need to stop this relentless complaining about my life, need to move forward with something else other than just waiting. I have been on hold long enough. It's depression, I KNOW... but only I can DO something.
So, taste the cake, don't eat the whole thing. Get up and MOVE damit! I know. I am sitting here writing and complaining, but that's what I am saying... no more. I HAVE to begin treating my body better, Steven can't take care of himself... and I don't want to leave this earth prematurely. I would like to live at least til I am 80. Which means, I have half of it left... better make it worth it. So, from here... progression and more blogging about the progression. maybe some recipes and pics... but damnit.. get up and move!
Talk later... this is just for me anyhow.

Coming out of the ashes of my life, I am born anew.
Interviews, trips, running about.. getting married and being in love.
Wish someone would hire me, give me a chance.
Want to cook and create, but have no home or kitchen I can run amok in.
Nothing of my own, all stuck in a box inside another box, for which we pay money for.
Hold on to it for me.. I will be back.

Scared of life, scared of the unknown and too fearful to go towards it.
Willing to move... things all packed and ready for a new challenge.

By the Grace of God... GIVE IT TO ME!
I pray, even though I am not all that spiritual. Seems that there is a Catholic still struggling inside me to get out and renew my faith. But I am not sure I want it renewed.. I am on the wait and see program... Wait and see if anything happens after all the prayers that have been lifted up to God in my name. The unknown again.

Faith...
in God?

stuck in a vacuum

worried about getting on a plane and flying somewhere I have never been to interview for a job that I am more than qualified for... This is life changing...and all I can do for the moment is go lie down on the couch while this stomach thing subsides.
I will take tons of pictures, from the air and land
I am landing tomorrow morning in a seaplane!
On the water!
Adventure is back...and we are going to thrive.
I am so excited-nervous-anxious-and want to vomit a little in my mouth.
Wish me luck!
Pray for me
Add me to your list of needy...

We are homeless... jobless and broke. Just like 50 million other people.
Living in the backroom, out of suitcases, the cats are happier than we are, but even they are still nervous. What to do what to do...

Back to the beginning

staring at the screen, I don't know what to write.... the last 4 months have been frightening not in a horror movie way but in a "my life is crumbling and I have no idea what to do" kind of way, which I think is worse. It is a different kind of paranoia.
People tell you what to do, and don't think about it...just do. And the situation is such you can't wrap your head around it, there is no rational thinking and trying to get to the rational thought is a labyrinth. Nothing makes any sense, I want to make a decision, but lack the gumption to do so. WHAT is the RIGHT thing to do? I don't know. We can't stay where we are...and we don't want to lose anything so, taking the first step towards something is fearful, and the what if's....the come into my brain and terrorize me...reminding me of Shel Silverstein...then I think about my childhood, and the fear of adult life goes away for a minute. Then it all comes rushing back in waves....what are we going to do?
We came back to NorCal, see if we can start over, back to the beginning...make my connections and talk to some people. Collect unemployment and keep a low profile. We need to heal. Not angry at anyone... disappointed. Rub Jake's belly and breathe in familiarity.

"Watch out for that first step, Doc...it's a doosie!" Bugs Bunny

9 items to play with

I have a tasting on Wednesday in Burbank that I am thrilled about doing. They are opening a new tapas/mezze restaurant and a 400 seat banquet facility in Pasadena...and I am trying out to be the Executive Chef. A lot of work...they have just begun demo on the old and think they will open in January or February. I say think because I have done this a couple of times and it rarely goes as planned. Even if there is a ton of money behind it.
So, here is what I am planning...

9 Items for which to taste:


1: Hummus with Roasted Red Peppers
2. Tabbouleh (with a mix of quinoa and couscous, a little nuttier)
3. Caprese on a skewer..simple straight forward app
4. Lemon and Mint marinated Grilled Lamb with cranberry-mint Israeli couscous
5. Taglitelli with roasted butternut squash with sage and browned butter
6. Porcini Crusted Salmon over sauteed garlic spinach
7. Spaghetti Amatriciana with zucchini, yellow squash and pancetta
8. Roasted Chicken Roulade with prosciutto and ricotta and fresh tomato sauce
9. Dessert...something chocolate...decadent...pots du creme?

I prep everything here and take it to Burbank..I am going to be there by 2pm on Wednesday. 3 hours should be plenty...including cleaning up. I am excited and nervous and just want people to taste my food...I was good at this shit 4 years ago..feel like I am rusty. Creaky.

Ideas...

Ideas in my head that I can't seem to pin down... write down one thing yet while in the middle of it, it comes out something different than you imagined, and WAY better.

BleuBerryBacon Burgers, with a toasted, brioche bun, alfalfa sprouts, avocado and a couple leaves of butter lettuce...and a light smear of blueberry bbq sauce.

Those luscious Brussels Sprouts that I learned a long time ago, that just improved as I tweaked it.

Southern Fried Quail Legs with Corn Cake and Radish-Apple Slaw, and Quince Vinaigrette

Spanish Chorizo in Malbec with Papas Rojo

Pan Toasted Green Beans with Sea Salt and Pink Peppercorns

Curried Duck Confit-Bok Choy Wontons

Bar Food....Skewers, things on sticks. Sweet, savory, make them DRINK MORE.


Paint brushes the sauce on the plate..same stroke over and over..sliced avocado
fanned out at 11 oclock..charred and blackened duck breast, cooked rare, and bloody, sliced on the bias fanned across the middle of the 9in square...chopped daikon-cucumber and Thai-chile-vinaigrette in the 5 oclock...rough chopped cilantro litters the plate. Maybe a stray Lemon verbena leaf, or kaffir lime chopped....

I'm fixing a hole where the rain came in to stop my mind from wandering...